Escape to Middletown: Goshen's Chic Residence Inn Awaits!
Escape to Middletown: Goshen's Chic Residence Inn Awaits! (Or Does It?) - A Messy, Honest Review
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into the Residence Inn in Goshen, NY, the self-proclaimed "chic" getaway that promises an escape from the mundane. And let me tell you, after my recent sojourn, I've got thoughts. Lots of thoughts. Prepare for a rollercoaster of opinions, because this review is gonna be… well, it's gonna be me.
First Impressions (and the Awkward Elevator Ride)
First things first: Accessibility. This is a big one, and I'm happy to report they seem to have made an effort. Wheelchair accessible throughout, which is a huge plus. Elevators, check. I mean, it's 2024; you'd hope so, right? But the elevator… oh, the elevator. Tiny, a little creaky, and definitely not designed for awkward encounters with a guy struggling with his luggage and a mountain of takeout. (More on the takeout later.)
Getting Connected (and Staying Sane with Wi-Fi)
Internet access? Yeah, they got it. Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Thank the travel gods, because let's be real, no one wants to pay extra just to scroll through TikTok. Speaking of, the Internet itself was decent. Not lightning fast, but enough to stream my terrible reality TV choices and avoid actual human interaction. There was also Internet [LAN] which, honestly, I didn't even know people still used. Maybe for hardcore gamers? Good for privacy, if you can figure out the wiring.
Relaxation Station: Spa, Pool, and the Elusive "Zen"
Now, this is where things got… complicated. The swimming pool [outdoor] looked inviting in the photos, all sparkling and serene. Reality? A respectable pool with a nice view, however because of the season its was not in use. Pool with view: The pool's closed! But still not the end of the world. More frustrating was the missing Spa. Turns out there's no spa, spa/sauna, steamroom, or any of that fancy stuff. False advertising, people, false advertising! And for a self-proclaimed “chic” place, it seems like they're missing out on that.
Fitness Fiasco (and My Lack of Ambition)
Speaking of missing out, the Fitness center was… well, it existed. I peeked in. Machines that looked suspiciously similar to the ones at my own gym (which I avoid like the plague). Didn't actually use it, but hey, it's there! If that is your bag, it has a Gym/fitness. There was also a thing that was seemingly an attempt at a Sauna, but alas, the door was locked. My quest for zen was going badly.
The Culinary Chaos: Dining, Drinking, and the Art of the Takeout
Okay, let's talk food. There's a Breakfast [buffet]. It was… breakfast. Cereal, some scrambled eggs, and those sad little pre-packaged pastries that whisper, "You're better than this." Restaurants on-site? Technically, yes. But the options are limited. There's a Bar, which is always a good start. But don't go expecting a Michelin-starred meal. Coffee/tea in restaurant was available, like you’d expect, and very needed. Surprisingly, they even had Asian cuisine in restaurant, a welcome touch of unpredictability. And, being a sucker for convenience, I was super grateful for Room service [24-hour]. Perfect for those late-night cravings.
But here's the real secret weapon: Room sanitization opt-out available. (Honestly, I wish I’d asked for this!) This means you could opt out of the routine cleaning. I'm guessing it's about cutting back on unnecessary exposure.
Cleanliness and Safety: Did I Survive?
Ah, the pandemic era. They seemed to be taking precautions. Daily disinfection in common areas, Staff trained in safety protocol, Hand sanitizer everywhere. They also had Individually-wrapped food options. So, I felt reasonably safe, even though I'm still mildly terrified of germs. Safe dining setup: yes. Hygiene certification: yes.
Room Review: The Good, the Bad, and the Slightly Disappointing
The non-smoking rooms are a must for me, obviously. The Air conditioning was a godsend, especially since Goshen can get sticky. Daily housekeeping, thankfully. Free bottled water, always appreciated. Hair dryer, check. Coffee/tea maker, life saver, and a Refrigerator, which was essential for storing leftovers from my takeout adventures.
The "Meh" Moments:
- No bathrobes. Sacrilege!
- The View from my room was… well, it wasn't exactly a postcard. (Not much of a “view” if you’re on the ground floor)
- I didn't get to use the Separate shower/bathtub because the water pressure was terrible one day. (A small thing, but it annoyed me!)
Services and Conveniences: A Mixed Bag
Concierge? Didn't use it. Doorman? Nope. Cash withdrawal? Apparently. Convenience store? I wish! They had a small Gift/souvenir shop, but it was mostly filled with overpriced snacks. Laundry service? Yes, but plan ahead!
Things to Do in Goshen (Besides Binge-Watching Netflix)
Okay, I'm not exactly the outdoor adventure type, but Goshen does have some charm. There's that Car park [free of charge], which is vital if you have a car. It's centrally located enough to explore the local area. There is a good offer of Things to do and ways to relax. Meeting/banquet facilities are available, good if you need to do some work.
The Verdict: Should You "Escape to Middletown"?
Okay, so the Residence Inn in Goshen isn't perfect. It's got its quirks, and it definitely oversells the "chic" factor. But it's clean, comfortable, and convenient. For a place to crash while exploring the area, it's perfectly acceptable.
My Quirky Observations:
- The "Do Not Disturb" sign looked suspiciously like something from a budget hotel.
- I spent way too much time trying to figure out the TV remote. (Seriously, why are they always so complicated?)
- The free breakfast pastries were a constant source of disappointment.
The Emotional Verdict:
Honestly, I wasn't blown away. But I also wasn't miserable. It's the kind of place you'd stay in if you needed a place to rest your head. It's fine. It's functional. It's… unremarkable. A pretty solid, if slightly bland, experience.
Ready to Book Your "Escape"? (Maybe?)
Here's the deal:
Escape to Goshen! Sounds appealing right?
Book now! Offers and rates are available at the hotel website.
Disclaimer: This review is based on my messy, honest experience and might not reflect what you'll find. Your mileage may vary. Bring snacks.
Overall Rating: 3 out of 5 stars (Because the Wi-Fi was decent and the bed was comfy.)
Bali Bliss: Your Private Pool Villa Awaits (Kuta Luxury!)
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because we’re about to dive headfirst into my incredibly human and slightly chaotic itinerary for a stay at the Residence Inn by Marriott in Middletown, Goshen, New York. This ain't gonna be your glossy travel brochure, folks. This is real life, complete with existential dread, impulsive snack purchases, and the lingering fear that I forgot to feed the cat. (Don’t worry, I didn't. Probably.)
Day 1: Arrival, Questionable Choices, and the Bed That Called to Me
- 1:00 PM: ARRIVE. Ugh, travel. It always starts promisingly, doesn't it? I'm picturing myself, fresh-faced, ready to embrace the tranquility. Reality? I look like a crumpled paper bag that's been through a hurricane. The drive was long. The GPS, bless its digital heart, sent me on a scenic detour (read: dirt road of doom). The first sign of civilization? The Residence Inn. Bless. Relief washes over me, like a warm, fluffy blanket.
- 1:30 PM: Check-in. The staff are… well, they're there. Friendly enough, I suppose. I’m already calculating how long until I can fall face-first into that sweet, sweet king-sized bed.
- 2:00 PM: The Room. Oooooh. Let me just say, the bed does not disappoint. I’m fairly certain I could live in that bed. Maybe I will. It’s a very real possibility. Other than that, it's a standard hotel room. Clean, functional, beige. Beige is fine. Beige is… safe. It hides the existential anxieties.
- 2:30 PM: Snack Acquisition Mission. A mandatory first-day task. I'm talking essential supplies. I sprint to the "market" (which is basically a glorified vending machine and a fridge). My haul? A bag of chips (can't remember the brand, probably the cheapest), a bottle of something fizzy, and… a suspicious-looking candy bar. Don't judge. Desperation is a powerful motivator.
- 3:00 PM - 5:00 PM: The Bed Beckons. I swear, I think I napped for like, 3 hours. It was glorious. Utter, unadulterated, sleep-induced bliss. I woke up slightly disoriented, wondering if I had accidentally entered a time warp. Nope. Just very, very tired.
- 5:00 PM - 6:00 PM: Attempt at Productivity. Crack open the laptop. Promise yourself you'll "get some work done." The reality… I stare blankly at the screen, open a new tab, and find myself reading about the mating rituals of the Peruvian tree frog. My brain is officially fried. Give it up.
- 6:00 PM: Dinner Dilemma. Should I go out? Order in? Existentially ponder the meaning of a microwavable meal? I decide to… order in. Pizza. Because pizza is always the answer.
- 7:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Pizza and Netflix. It began innocently enough. A slice of pizza, a click of the remote. Suddenly, three episodes of a terrible reality show later… I’m questioning all my life choices. But hey, at least the pizza was good.
- 10:00 PM: Bed. Again. This time with a slightly heavier dose of guilt after the hours of Netflix. I tell myself I'll be productive tomorrow. Yeah, right.
Day 2: The 'Adventure' (Which Was Really Just a Trip to a Grocery Store), and the Pool That Made Me Question Existence
- 8:00 AM: Wake Up. Disappointed. Not because I dislike waking up, but because the bed is no longer calling my name.
- 8:30 AM: Free Breakfast. Eh. It's free. Scrambled eggs, some suspicious-looking sausages, and a waffle maker that taunts me with its promise of domesticity. I make a lukewarm waffle. I am filled with a brief sense of accomplishment. The juice is… watery.
- 9:00 AM: Destination: Supermarket (aka "The Wild"). The hotel market was just not cuttin' it. Grocery shopping is a necessary evil. I mean, I have to buy more chips and candy bars, right? Oh, and maybe something resembling a vegetable…
- 9:30 AM - 11:00 AM: Grocery Shopping. It always takes longer than you think it will. I spend way too long comparing brands of yogurt, I accidentally knock over a display of something, and I leave with a gallon of milk even though I only needed a pint. The sheer terror of the grocery store checkout line is very real.
- 11:30 AM: The Pool. (This is where things get interesting.) I've always been a bit… apprehensive of hotel pools. They often look mysteriously murky and I’m always worried about, well, stuff. The water, surprisingly, is pristine. It's so… calm. No one else is here. I get a very strong feeling that some great evil is hidden there, and I will be swallowed by it. I take a dip. No great evil. The water is cold.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch. Back in the room. Leftover Pizza. I'm clearly living a life of luxury, are we?
- 1:00 PM - 3:00 PM: The "Work" Intermission. Attempt to write a blog post about my trip. End up staring out the window at a particularly uninteresting tree.
- 3:00 PM - 5:00 PM: Gym, or the room? Gym! I've had enough of the room, actually. Turns out, the gym is a closet with a treadmill, but hey! I do it, and make a brief appearance on the treadmill. I think. Or maybe that was a fleeting dream? Did I even go to the gym?
- 5:00 PM: Dinner. I don't even remember, honestly. Probably something quick and easy. Maybe I just ate the rest of the chips.
- 7:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Final Hours. Do I book another night? Do I go home? Do I just… stay in the bed forever?
- 10:00 PM: BED.
Day 3: The Escape (Or Maybe Just Leaving)
- 9:00 AM: Wake up at last. Realize I am leaving.
- 9:30 AM: Final Breakfast. The juice still tastes of disappointment.
- 10:00 AM: Check Out. Did I have fun? I honestly have no idea.
- 10:30 AM: The Drive. I already miss that bed.
So there you have it. My utterly unvarnished, often hilarious, and occasionally melancholic experience at the Residence Inn. It wasn't perfect, it definitely wasn't glamorous, but it was mine. And honestly, even with the slightly questionable food choices and the constant battle against the siren song of the bed, it was… okay. Maybe I'll go back someday. But first, a nap.
Escape to Paradise: Germany's Hidden Gem, Hotel-Residenz Immenhof
Escape to Middletown: Goshen's Chic Residence Inn Awaits! –…Or Does It? A Messy FAQ
Okay, So What *Exactly* Is This Place? Is It…Chic?
Alright, let's be real. "Chic" is a *strong* word. The Residence Inn in Goshen… it *attempts* chic. Think… IKEA-meets-corporate-hotel-lobby. Clean, yes. Updated-ish, sure. *Chic*? That depends on your definition, and honestly, my definition leans towards "avoiding a public meltdown" at 6 AM, which it largely achieves. So, yeah, let's go with “acceptable”. It’s definitely a step up from a cardboard box… or maybe I'm just getting old, I'd say it's a solid 7/10, maybe a high five even if the continental breakfast wasn't up to par.
The Vibe: Is It a Party Hotel or More…Business Casual?
Definitely business casual, with a side of, "Please, for the love of all that is holy, let me sleep!" I was there for a work conference, and the "party" started and ended with someone accidentally spilling their lukewarm coffee in the lobby. (And yes, I *may* have been the perpetrator of that crime. No regrets, that was a *bad* cup.) Mostly, expect people in slightly rumpled slacks and tired-looking executives attempting to navigate the continental breakfast. Think early bird special, not Spring Break. The only excitement you'll get here is whether the waffle maker is working and let me tell you, that's a gamble! I swear every time I'm there it's broken!
The Rooms: Spacious and…Comfortable? Or Tiny and…Claustrophobic?
Okay, here's the deal with the rooms. They're… decent. They're spacious *enough* for a Residence Inn. You've got that whole kitchenette setup – a microwave, a mini-fridge, and then the holy grail of the whole setup – a dishwasher! Honestly, the dishwasher is worth the price of admission alone. I swear, I feel like a king when i can just throw everything in there and I don't have to worry! But don't expect a penthouse suite. You're not gonna exactly be throwing a grand ballroom dance in there. They're functional. Clean. And if you're lucky, you get a room away from the elevator, or even worse the ice machine!. Which, by the way, sound likes a small earthquake every few minutes. I recommend asking for a room on higher floor away from the noise.
The Continental Breakfast: The Make-or-Break of Any Good Hotel. Any redeeming qualities?
Oh boy. Breakfast. Bless their hearts. It's…breakfast. They try. They really do. Think: pre-packaged pastries (which are generally stale, let's be honest), instant oatmeal, the aforementioned waffle maker (which may or may not be functional), and that weird powdered scrambled egg concoction. I'm not gonna lie, I think I actually *miss* it, in an oddly nostalgic way. It's the breakfast of champions, no? Just… don't expect a culinary masterpiece. Bring your own granola bars. Or, ya know, order a *real* breakfast from somewhere and eat in your room, you know? Sometimes I feel like I need a breakfast after breakfast when I leave the complimentary stuff.
The Staff: Are They Helpful or…Hiding Behind the Desk Judging Me?
The staff? They're generally pretty nice. They're probably used to dealing with sleep-deprived business travelers and people who are just generally… confused. They’re definitely not going to be your best friend, but they will assist with your requests (more towels, extra pillows, a working waffle maker - a girl can dream!). I had *one* encounter with a particularly enthusiastic concierge who genuinely seemed to enjoy her job. It was jarring. But in a good way. So, thumbs up for staff. They're okay.
Pool Time: Is it a Relaxing Oasis or a Chlorine-Filled Nightmare?
I can't actually tell you about the pool. I've never *been* in the pool. I'm always too busy trying to find my own personal oasis of sleep in the room. It *looks* clean from the outside, though. And I'm guessing it smells like chlorine, because, you know, pools. Your mileage may vary, but you're better off finding a local park or staying under the covers. Maybe I'll brave it one day. I'll keep you posted, I suppose.
Location, Location, Location: Is This Hotel Convenient or a Pain to Get To?
The location is a bit… suburban. It's convenient if you're there for a conference at the nearby business park, or if you're on your way somewhere. If you're looking for excitement, you're looking in the wrong place. But you're near the highway, so getting in and out is easy. Expect to drive. A lot. To get *anywhere* fun. It's a perfectly fine, if somewhat generic, spot to crash. I wouldn't choose it for a vacation, unless your vacation involves, like, lots of meetings. So, convenience *yes*, but vibrancy? Absolutely not.
Would You Go Back? Really?
Ugh. Honestly? Yes. I probably will. Because sometimes, you just need a clean bed and a working shower. And the Residence Inn in Goshen…provides that. It's not going to change your life. It's not going to *wow* you. But it'll do the job. And sometimes, that's all you can ask for. It's like a reliable, slightly boring, but still okay, friend. Sure, maybe it's not the kind of friend you go on epic adventures with, but when you need a place to crash after a long day, they're there. *sigh* So, yeah. I'll be back. Likely sooner than I'd like.
